why do i long to be a girl deserving of tenderness
Why am I not just as I am? Why am I not just deserving of tenderness, as is?
[REDACTED]
I am free. I know the Lord has a fruitful plan for me and my future. I know that my life is growing. I know that I am held in the palm of God and I don’t need to worry about tomorrow, for even the birds are fed each and every day. I know that I have a wonderful life in front of me. I know that I have an interesting past and an interesting future, and it all comes together to create me and who I am and who I’ll become. I can reside in the fact that I know I’ll be okay. I know my life is good and there is a plan for me, and it will be satisfying.
[REDACTED] It reminded me that I wanted children with him so desperately, and I wanted to see him be a father so badly. [REDACTED] I pictured our children, with his dirt-colored hair and my bouncy curls. Big noses and deep green eyes. Eyes that are exactly the color of both his and mine. I imagined living somewhere, far away, set apart from the rest of the world. Just a little sanctuary where we could dwell and live peacefully. A simple life with organic practices and sunshine and music and green grass.
And to accept that this is no longer a possible reality for my future is excruciatingly hard. I know that I will have beautiful children, however. I will have children with a wonderful partner, and I will build a family that is centered around love and peace, and I’ll be satisfied.
For what is meant for me, will find me. It won’t pass me by. What is meant for the peacefulness and wonder of my life will reach me. I know that this is what is right and this is what is good and will create prosperity in my future even if the present is difficult.
[REDACTED] Why fail myself?