irony
Life is so damn ironic sometimes, as if it's this reminder that you really aren't in control of a single thing.
I was reading through some old blog posts; particularly, the more recent ones from before my blog hiatus and boy, was I unaware. Ironically, unaware and ignorant--or not ignorant but more so, just naive. I don't blame myself, however. I know where I was coming from and why I felt how I did but what I didn't know was what was to come. But whoever really knows these things? I guess, maybe some people, sometimes. I don't know. Because, really, even this is untrue.
The thing is, I'm not ungrateful for this. It's beautifully divine and planned. I wish I would've had insight but if I were to have a little bird whisper in my ear, even just a little bit of information about the coming events, I would've shuddered and sunken away in avoidance. It's not that it would've helped anything, so what would have been the point of destroying the happiness that was so white and pure during that time?
Disbelief and destruction and rebuilding and regrowth is what makes life worth living. It is what gives more meaning to the good times and perhaps, even the unappreciated times. It allows for you to consider things more and focus on the circumstances you are able to change and control. It also allows for you to accept and understand the importance of what is out of your control.
I think it's about being grateful for the grief and loss because it means you're real and it proves what something did mean to you. Don't stray away from the sad feelings and hurt disposition because it's a privilege to feel so deeply. To just be human.