Day 8
I'm nervous about the holidays. It's December 21 (winter solstice), and I feel so much pressure about how to ensure this holiday season is satisfactory. I don't know if this has to do with having a poor holiday season last year, but I feel this amounting pressure and I fear I won't be able to live up to whatever standard I've set in my mind.
I will try to remember that this holiday season does not need to be perfect and I should just be grateful for what I have. Because everything I have is great! I'm excited to see my brother for the holidays, as well as spend time with my family. I'm also excited to be spending the holidays with J this year and the bunnies! Not everyone always has to be in the best mood but that doesn't mean that it still can't be a good day. And I'll try to relieve all expectations of how much I should be seeing specific people, like family, because I'll be seeing everyone a lot and need to not stress about that beforehand!
Anyway, I am also very excited for Christmas and the holidays. It's so strange to think that it's already almost over, though. It feels like we just got our Christmas tree and put up decorations. The house will look so bare without the tree and decorations.
I also want to write down some fun / serious goals for 2026!
I was just thinking about certain qualities of myself from years and years ago and how I've stopped doing something that used to make me so fulfilled. And it's really easy to feel less than and think that you've sunken into a deeper, worser state than who you might have been three or four or even five years ago. BUT I then remembered where I am now and the fact that I've accomplished so many things I never could've imagined.
So my gratitude list is: I love the house I live in and pay for, I love my boyfriend that I never imagined having, I love my job that I wanted SO badly (but of course that feeling has worn off), I am so grateful I still have my pet bunnies that I didn't know if I'd be able to keep and take care of, I am grateful for improving in so many hobbies I never even delved into a few years ago, I am grateful I have learned how to shop for food for the week and meal plan, I'm grateful I have learned how to cook food I want to eat
I feel so utterly negative sometimes (a lot of the time), I need to really start focusing on aspects I can feel grateful for. And I want to do this because my values are aligned with being grateful for the things I have and realizing what I've accomplished to feel motivation that I know I can accomplish more (anything!).
I feel very stuck sometimes but then I remember, I make every one of my own decisions and I am in charge of my own mindsets and it feels so freeing and eye-opening.