Day 14
I feel so frustrated.
I made a hard decision recently to seek out counseling services for myself because my anxiety has reached a peak I genuinely don't feel capable of handling. And due to the fact that I have never properly seen a therapist before and grew up in a very "anti-therapy" family, along with the fact that I'm just generally a closed off person, this was a very big decision for me to make. It felt like a step in the right direction, but also felt like somewhat of a cry for help because of my recent mental state.
Either way, I made this decision and found a counseling service that looked nice, made the first appointment, and went. And it ended up being great. I didn't feel negative about a single thing that happened at the center. I liked my assigned therapist. Everything was amazing.
I felt like this was a way out for me and my silly brain. I felt so relieved and anticipatory and excited that I finally was indulging in something that was challenging to get into but would hopefully really help me. It was like an open door for me to enter and future me would be on the other side with a brighter, less anxious outlook on the world.
But, then, of course, there was an issue with my insurance. I recently switched from my parents insurance plan to state insurance and unfortunately, the state insurance is notoriously bad at updating the medical system that they are now the primary insurance company. The counseling service called me to let me know that they tried to file my insurance but there was an error stating my primary insurance is actually the old one and during this time, they're unable to do anything and unable to continue seeing me. I called my new state insurance multiple times to ask questions and try to find a solution, but it's essentially a 30-day process that most people say takes a lot longer than the 30 days.
I understand that whenever this process is finished I should be able to continue seeing the counseling center and go back to my assigned therapist, but it's just the fact that there's this blockade and it was such a big challenge to start in the first place, that now I just feel drained. I was so excited and now it just feels like this mental loss that I have to grapple with.
But I guess that's just how things tend to go and there's no need to dwell on it. During my first session, my therapist did say a book she recommended reading and maybe within this limbo, I'll at least take that advice.
Just wanted to jot down my negative opinion right now because it's always better to get feelings out than leave them to fester.